A Magnificent Plan

A couple weeks ago I had a kind lady following Gabby's story ask me “how do you stay so strong?” It kind of took me off guard and I’ve been thinking about that question a lot the past couple of weeks.. It really made me ponder…”how am I really handling this?” The past couple of weeks I have walked around with a constant ache and tightness in my own chest. My heart aches for my baby who is constantly being tested, poked, and tangled in cords. I ache for her future filled with uncertainties that scare the heck out of me. I ache for my other two babies, who I know are doing fine, but selfishly I want to be home to greet them first thing in the morning, witness their daily zest for life and snuggle them at night. I ache for my husband’s hand to be holding mine, bracing us for the next turn on this rollercoaster we are on. I don’t think there is a rule book on how to navigate grief and hardship. I do however believe your faith, support system, and daily mindset definitely contribute to holding what sometimes feels like only threads together.

Somedays in the hospital the grief can feel consuming, but the funny thing about that place is no matter where you look, someone else around you is going through something too. It visibly puts things into perspective for you that hey number one we aren’t alone in this and two we all have to deal with hard in some capacity. My heart mom friend Kaylee gave me great advice, she said, “don’t compare your “hard” to someone else’s “hard”, it’s all valid, we are all allowed to feel it, hard is hard.” Social media is a highlight reel and for me I typically prefer to keep it positive, but it’s been a challenge to stay optimistic 24/7 because if I was I wouldn’t be depicting the true integrity of the situation we are in. Some days are obviously harder than others, but the vision of this blog has always been to inspire others going through something difficult to put their trust in God and move forward. In doing so I have tried to appropriately share all sides beautiful and ugly.

I met a fellow heart mom recently whose son shares a similar diagnosis as Gabby. She said to me during one of our first conversations, “God is an all powerful loving God, he has a beautiful and magnificent plan for him (her son) I just know it.” It’s not my place to share her story but I can attest to the hardship her family has lived and witnessing her love for our lord and her love for her son was a great reminder for me to stay steady in my faith…no matter what. We will cross paths with thousands of different people among the millions on this planet. If this journey has made anything apparent it's that certain people who carry his light are destined to meet you along the way and make our journeys’ a little better and more importantly brighter. I am so grateful for our God Winks we have received especially when they are through people. The little winks are comparable to little wins that eventually add up to big winks and big wins to keep us going...I call that DESTINY.

The past few weeks we have been tested in more ways than one. Have you ever gone through something difficult and had someone tell you..“God would not give you more than you can handle.” Though this may be true to some degree, I did some digging and found the verse this reference was interpreted from. And please if you have said this to me or someone, DO NOT FEEL BAD, I’ve also said it to myself and to others. It comes from a good place and to an extent isn’t false, but when I looked deeper I found I loved the verse where it derived from.

“So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has overtaken you, except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” -‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭10:12-13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

After reading this a few times here is what I concluded: Christ does in fact allow us to carry more than we can handle..this is Life. We don’t have a choice in the matter of what comes our way, there are often no ways out of suffering besides walking through it. For our family we are going through “what we didn’t know we could handle” by 1. Leaning on Christ and 2. Leaning on our community (family/friends/heart mom community and prayer warriors beyond.) Our “way out” to endure this path has always been to stay steadfast in our faith and stick together even if we can’t physically be together. I think our world would be a much happier place if more people found a way to stick together and unite. Those who have unity seem to carry a sense of peace.

This one was a little all over the map so if you made it through this I hope you gathered this.. Don’t take little moments or mundane days for granted, it’s ok to feel your hard days but find a way to feel and bounce back and focus on the grace and goodness, if your going through something that feels impossible just know you're probably not alone and it’s ok to lean on others to help get you through it. Don’t ever forget God is there to walk you through your suffering. Stick to the people who love you the most and remember he has a great magnificent plan for us even when we can’t see it.

Kayleen